Pug Philosophy

Pug Philosophy

By Dr. Chazz


I have always been an amazing author but it’s too hard to get my books published. I was sitting around moaning to my friend, Buttercup, when she said something surprising. “Charles,” she said, you see, Buttercup believes that my previous owners named me Charles and just spelled the short version of it wrong, “if you want your books published just self-publish them on that blog of yours.” I stopped my moaning and looked at her. “But, I would have to write my books all over again.” I told her. “That’s fine. The books will be drafts.” she said to me. “Doggone, Buttercup! You’re right! I will self-publish my books as drafts!” And that is why I am writing this. I will update it often with grammar corrections and spelling corrections and all of that, but, here you go. My draft of Pug Philosophy. But, enough of my ramblings, enjoy the book!

Chapter 1

In The Eye (Or Eyes) Of A Pug

A pug’s life can be either very easy and good or very worrisome. Observe:

A Very Good Life:

To make your life very easy and good do not worry. Just say “I have food, I have a bed, and I have loving servants! What more could I possibly need?”

Worrisome Life:

To make your life worrisome worry about everything. “What if my food stops coming? What if my bed starts smelling badly? What if my servants grow tired of me? What if?”

A pug’s life is full of both. Right now I shall talk about the regular idea of the book. Later, I shall talk about love, your bed smelling badly, and such.

Pugs originated in China as hand warmers for emperors. But, we have come far further. Now, WE are the emperors and our humans are the servants. Being emperor is, or should be, very relaxing, as I talked about earlier. But, it is tiresome that nopuggy ever recognizes your genius, is it not? Well, us pugs do but humans don’t. That would not be a problem if humans weren’t always calling us immature and ridiculous things such as:



“Cutie Pie”


(In my case):

“Chazzy Wazzles”

“Chazzle Dazzles”

“Razz 4 (a veration on the car ‘Rav 4′)”

These childish names degrade us. Some pugs even start to act like their nickname. Like, if their nickname is “Silly” they will act silly. This is a sad affair. If you are a human who is poking your nosy little nose into your emperor pug’s business and reading this book, maybe over the pug’s shoulder, please refrain from calling your pug such degrading names. Please.

Upon sleeping you must pile up in a Pug Pile, a legendary pile of pugs. It makes for more warmth. Otherwise, you must whine at the foot of your Human-servants’ (or Human-servant’s) bed until they let you come and sleep with them. Do this repeatedly each night until they get the idea. In the almost impossible event that your Human-Servant NEVER gets the idea go back to your own bed and try to make it as comfortable as possible.

Chapter 2

The Smells And Sounds of The Pug

Today we shall review some basic pug etiquette. It is extremely important that a pug smells horrible (even one day after a bath) and makes annoying and weird noises very often. Times when you can make weird noises are:

1. When your favorite human-servant leaves and you miss them.

2. When your human-servants are trying to make you sit with them but you already have a wonderfully warm spot in the sun to sit in.

3. When your human-servants are clipping your nails.

4. When your human-servants are forcing you to take a cold bath.

5. Any other time that you see fit.

But, you shouldn’t make noises like: “Bow wow wow” or “Bark, bark” (unless your human-servants are home) instead you should make noises such as: “Baaaaaaaw! Aaaaaaw!! Maaaaah!”, “Ow, ow, ow! Grawg!”, or simply scream like a human-servant.

When you have been forced to take a bath by your human-servants you must regain your stinkyness. It is average for a fully-grown pug to regain his stinkyness one day after the bath. Puppy’s usually regain their stinkyness 5 minutes after the bath.

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